what I did with our love

It’s always winter where I am, and even God knows the honest truth about longing for love. My days are full of yearning and I miss you like a little child. I wake up every morning, brew coffee and sit in the early rays measuring the distance between us. I pull our memories from fallen leaves and collect them until I can’t without shaky hands. I grow sadder with each passing afternoon, and most nights I lie awake feeling every mile between knot another vein in my heart. I tug at the ground, hold the earth tight and try to pull myself closer to you like a desperate toddler. The earth wants my arms, my hands, it wants to hold the sky and feel the blue skin of its lover. Here, I say, here’s my touch, here are my fingertips to soothe your ancient longing. The earth shrinks itself for me, swallows continents for our love. I walk a little closer and the ocean drowns me in its wrath. I say please I’m in love. The ocean cries to me in its salt-water tears about its heart and the breaking it does for the moon. I leave my eyes to the ocean and swim through the calm blind while the ocean sees its lover for the first time than just feeling its pull over light years. I abandon my lungs and its breathing in the forests for their dying love for animals. I shed my skin for the desert and my bones for the roads. I wish away every inch of world between us and I’m at your doorstep. I can knock on the door and find you beautiful and breathing , find your breathe on my neck and your hand in mine. You open the door, I say “Hello, look at me, I love you and here, here’s my heart for you.” but you look right through my bodiless soul. Please, I say, I missed you and I gave the universe all of me to be here. You close the door with sunken eyes. I’ve become everything you’ll never see, every ocean’s pull you feel, every ray of moonlight that kisses your babymoth eyelashes, all that air that will touch your lungs. Hello, I love you , I’m sorry for what I’ve done to our love. I’m sorry you’ll spend lifetimes searching for it.

 

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