I Never Shut the Door Behind

“I keep making mistakes.
I keep finding men like my father to love
and then to unlove
and then tiptoe my way out
of homes I built out of their bodies
of framed pictures of them sleeping
of an afternoon when they would
point and tell me
“there, that bathroom floor,
 there, the space behind the door,
 there, this entire room with broken glass
 stay, look at all the space I made for you,
 all the love I have for you”
And I would stand there measuring the distance
between my feet and the door
But I don’t get it right, I never get it right
I was five when he said ‘to the moon and back ,love’,
since then it doesn’t add up
how does then love feel so small
inside my heart, every heart beat echoes
the buzzing that comes with emptiness
my soul confuses it with butterflies
I lose my math, my concept of light years
I would stand there measuring the distance
between my feet and the door
measuring the distance between
what’s real, and what’s not
and I don’t understand
who the fuck are we
to measure love in distance
who the fuck are we
never teaching our children
to walk over to the door
to leave
to shut the door behind.”
– I Never Shut The Door Behind & My Father is Upset by Thamanna Razak

 

One thought on “I Never Shut the Door Behind

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.