Without You

Everywhere, everyone talks like they know I broke your heart. In my lecture they talk about kitchens and how they’re essentially meant for two. That’s my heart wrapping around you for the day, how I’m supposed to sit on our counter and trace your spine with my toes while you cook over the other. The long summer days, you’d open all the windows of our home while I complain about the heat, I eat pomegranate seeds and kiss you with that mouth. The music and sunlight, the sound of us laughing , our sticky bodies, our eyes on each other. The days when heat gets to my head, I’m furious and bickering about everything and you’re joking about having to move to Antarctica. We’ll fight like little children, I’ll drive you crazy and we’ll make love reckless. Another day I’m at a restaurant alone, the waiter asks if anybody will ever join me and I stare outside the window for so long, aching at all the places you should be and the waiter doesn’t come back. I think I’d have my feet up on your lap under the table while we talk about our days, I’d wipe the crumbs off your chin, ”pay the bill tomorrow” ”collect that parcel will you” ”we need to get our light fixed in the bathroom” ”here , I wrote a letter to you while I was at work” . We are childish in our longings, always touching after a long day apart. When I realise I’m small without you for the first time, I’m in a crowded bus, I find it so hard to breathe and I wish for you. How terrifying is that, the entire world shrinking into a smaller one, all that space of you emptying, growing a new heart of without. We tested our fate with our ‘ours’ yeah? Didn’t tremble when throwing ‘we’ like it has been all along. Now the whole of universe is taking its entire time to show me how reckless I’ve been with loving you.

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